you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
