So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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