i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
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when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
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Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up