I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
