I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I think my vagina is haunted
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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