apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
