i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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