I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize
