Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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