Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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