1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
