Can i not drive my cunt home
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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