i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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