he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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