why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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