Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
