I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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