remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
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