I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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