Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
