I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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