If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
