just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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