I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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