dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
