so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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