i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
