alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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