I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
