last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
