You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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