it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
