the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
