I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize