and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
