and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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