Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
