after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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