"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
