used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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