I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
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He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
you never un-have a 4some
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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