he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
