Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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