Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Don't tell me you're on acid again
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
