what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She announced her abortion via fbk
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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