I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
