Me. At least after what I've been through.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
