I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
