I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
