John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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