Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
