Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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