You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
