actually, I'm a sock model
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
