you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
