Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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