And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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