I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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