you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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