It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
