Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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