i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?