I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
this will be a night to untag.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
