I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
