I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
At least life still wants to fuck me.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize
