Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
