There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
