dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
