Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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