plz talk dirty to me
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
