Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
