I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
