Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
