Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
