The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
