i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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