is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
